Sunday, January 16, 2011

The NRA Is A Terrorist Organization

I believe words matter.  What you say can have an effect.  We saw that reality unfold last week when a Representative was gunned down at a meet and greet in her district.  A young man, delusional and misguided by the words of powerful people with bully podiums shot 20 innocents and killed 6, including a 9-year-old girl.

Words matter.

So it is not with a light heart that I say the following words:  "The NRA is a terrorist organization."

Those who purport to support the rights of law-abiding Americans to own firearms are really undermining the security of this nation, but opposing any gun legislation, which threatens their diminished manhood, found three inches short in their camos.

The gun, which the assailant used to shoot 20 people, had a 30 bullet clip, which originally was illegal under the assault weapons ban of the 1990's, but which was made legal again when the GOP bowed to NRA pressure in 2004.

Exploding bullets, Teflon-coated ammunition, and guns without locks have all been supported and promoted by the blood-thirsty anti-American crowd at the NRA.  No matter what logical legislation is proposed, whether it be background checks, or keeping the names and addresses of gun owners with the Department of Homeland Security, the NRA has unraveled, diluted, and defanged gun laws at every step of the way.

This band of thugs is no better than the street gangs roaming the streets of Los Angeles.  But instead of colors, these bozos wield Glocks and AK-47's.  Could someone tell me when using a Communist-era weapon made you patriotic?  Eh, Comrade?

It it time we call them out for what they are.  It it time to freeze their bank accounts, imprison their leaders, and seize their assets, just as we would do for any terrorist organization.

And once we have cleaned the streets of their ilk, perhaps we can get our country back.

It is the 21st century.  Isn't it high time a 9-year-old child doesn't have to worry she will be shot to death in a public place?

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

An Open Letter to Sarah Palin

Dear Ms. Palin:

You self-important, narcissistic, oversensitive twat.  How dare you make yourself the victim in the Tuscon shooting?  What gives you the right to take the spotlight and proclaim yourself the target of the shooting?  You, and your ilk, are responsible for such a vicious attack.

You placed cross hairs over Giffords' congressional district.

You stoked the hatred, urging your followers to reload.

You made the zombies who follow you believe the government is out to get them, when it is you who use and abuse these simpletons for your own self-aggrandizement and media whoring.

You need to crawl back to Alaska and hide in some dark hole until you find the remnant of humanity you long ago smothered.

Please do this mourning nation a favor and just shut up and go away.

Sincerely,

The Angry Peasant

Friday, January 7, 2011

An Open Letter to John Boehner, Speaker of the 112th Congress of the United States of America

Dear Speaker Boehner:

First, let me congratulate you on your election as the Speaker of the 112th Congress.  It is certainly an achievement, and a first.  Over the last couple of years, we have seen a lot of barriers being broken.  First we had the first female Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.  Then we had the the first African American President, Barack Obama.  And now, we have the first Orange American as Speaker of the House, you, Mr. Boehner.

But I kid, I kid.  I know it's not a laughing matter.  Tanning bed addiction is a serious illness affecting millions of Americans.  I desperately urge you to seek professional help to rid yourself of this monkey.  Perhaps you can do it on the buddy system.  Maybe you can find someone else just as addicted as you.  Snooki from the "Jersey Shore" might be a good sponsor on your way to freedom from "the bed."  You both seem to share the same dependencies.  You both drink.  You both smoke.  You both appear emotionally unstable.

Oh my God.  Snooki's your illegitimate daughter, isn't she?  Don't worry.  I won't tell the Mrs. Boehner.  Your secret's safe with me.

Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I wanted to talk to your briefly about what you plan to do over the next two years as the leader of both the House of Representatives and the de facto leader of the Republican Party.

You made a solemn promise to the millions of zombies who elected you last November that you would balance the budget, reduce the deficit, and bring order back to Washington.  And I, sir, and behind you on this.  For although we come from opposite sides of the political spectrum, my corner being occupied by educated, erudite, thoughtful Americans, and yours being  populated by, well, frankly nut jobs escaped from the asylum, we can come together for the good of this country and restore our nation to what is was before you and your cohorts screwed it up in the first place.

I would like to offer a humble suggestion for where you can cut some of that $100 billion from the budget you promised.  It is an easy cut.  It is one, which I am sure all of those in the Tea Party will be behind.  And the best part is, it won't hurt the poor.

Just like we put a cap on Social Security contributions, it is time to put a cap on Social Security benefits.

It's simple.  All we need to do is cut benefits for anyone making over the poverty line in retirement income, and phase benefits out completely by double or triple that threshold.  It's a no brainer.

The poor elderly, those who rely on these benefits to survive, will not see one dime cut, and you will make friends of them forever.  They are a loyal bunch--much like a gang of small dogs.  If you are kind to them, they will vote for you again and again.  Of course, if you kick them, they will bite your nuts off faster than, well, a chihuahua.

By setting these caps, we will not only save Social Security for future generations, but we will help balance both the federal and state budgets.  We will save trillions and protect our legacy for our grandchildren.

And once we have protected Social Security, we can move on to Medicare.  Just like capping benefits before saved the day, limiting Medicare payouts to only the very poor will restore a balanced budget without any need for new taxes.

I am sure if you examine this proposal carefully, you will see the wisdom of it.

And I am certain all those in the Tea Party will be glad to make a bit of sacrifice to insure the security of our nation.

Go ahead and ask them.  You look like a fit guy.  I am sure you can outrun an angry mob propelled by government-provided scooters and wheelchairs.

Sincerely,

The Angry Peasant

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Doomsday

Well, it is January 5, 2011, and it is Armageddon.  Not the final battle between good and evil portended by the Left Behind series, or the epic showdown between the Sith and the Jedi foretold in the Star Wars saga.  No, this is the face off between the forces of sanity and just down right tea baggery.

Today the 112th Congress convenes, and Speaker John Boehner receives the gavel from Nancy Pelosi.

We have been promised the ultimate dog and pony show for the next two years.  We have been told they will repeal Obamacare, cut the budget, reduce the deficit, and bring accountability back to Washington.

Pretty much the same spiel they promised the last time, but utterly failed to deliver.

But unlike most, I do not shudder at the impending self-destruction about to befall.  Instead I take a realistic look at the kabuki theater we are about to endure for the next two years.

Over the next 22 months we will be treated to a spectacle befitting Telemundo on a Saturday night.  There will be drama, suspense, and intrigue.  But mostly, there will be gridlock.  For the next two years, nothing will get done, nada, zip, zilch.

Well, that isn't entirely true.

There will be lots of bills introduced, and many of them will pass the House.  Some will even pass the Senate.  But they will all have a few themes in common.

Most legislation will fall into one of three categories in the months to come.  There will be the "pathetic base pandering", the "ridiculously obvious", and the "completely useless" bills.

The base pandering bills will be nothing more than red meat to the tea baggers who elected the 112 Congress.  They will be bills for show only, and will have no chance in the proverbial Hell where Glenn Beck resides of passing.  An example of such bills will be seen on January 12, when the House will vote to repeal Health Care Reform.  It will go nowhere.  The Senate won't pass it, and even if the Senate had a collective brain fart, the President would veto it.

The ridiculously obvious bills will be those introduced to address a non-existent problem.  They will be so innocuous and self evident, that they will pass both chambers easily, and the President will sign them, hailing the bipartisanship Washington is now showing.  A shining exemplar of such a bill is a proposal soon to be introduced to require any presidential candidate to show proof of United States birth.  It's already basically in the Constitution. It would be like passing a law forbidding children for running for federal elected office.  It's just window dressing on the whorehouse which is C Street.

Then there are the completely useless bills, which will have so many loopholes as to be completely functionless.  They will become law, because the Democrats will see they have no teeth and are basically harmless, but will provide political cover to show Washington is working again.  Such a bill is the proposed cap on spending, which would basically prevent any deficit spending not related to defense or security, and not enacted during a time of war.  If you haven't noticed, we have two lovely wars right now, so this one is a no brainer.

Of course there will be budget battles, and the Republicans will defund everything from science to children, forever invoking the Baby Jesus, freedom, and the Beaver--the TV show, not the anatomical obsession of at least 50% of Republicans (the other 50% are more interested in Dick, the organ, not the old VP).  But as they slash and burn, hopefully my fellow Americans will see the Congress they got either by voting or not voting in the midterms.  And then, perhaps, they might wake up and do the right thing in 2012.

Of course, I also still believe in Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and Leprechauns, so I would take my prognostications with a pinch of salt.