Fear of Flying

First it was a mechanical problem, which forced us to change planes.  Then it was air traffic control, holding us because of volume and weather.  Then a passenger with a panic attack forced a return to the gate.  Finally, another delay by air traffic control had us sit again with engines stooped on the tarmac.

You may have hears that "Gilligan's Island" was a metaphor for Dante's Inferno.  You may also know that Sweeney Todd was a treatise on the nineteenth English class system.  But tonight's flight was an allegory for the current American political system.

From the guy in first who would stop futzing with his iPad prior to takeoff, to the woman who wouldn't shut off her phone when told, first class is filled with those who bought themselves the privilege, those who had connections with those who had the status, and those of us who paid our dues by flying a quarter million miles in a year.

Tea baggers will find themselves in the halls of Congress come January, due mostly to their inexperience and the electorates incompetence.  And like this flight tonight, the will be nothing but delays, ground stops, and aborted take offs and landings.

Of course many of the Lipton Crew will have nothing to do with abortions, because their insides are a dry as Hills Like White Elephants.

The calls to shutdown the government, slash spending, and "save" social security are already echoing through the marble hallways, even before Eric Cantor and John Boehner have taken the gavel and whip from Nancy Pelosi and the Democrats.  You know, with all those closeted homosexuals in the Republican Party, that whip will spend a record short time in the hands of Mr. Cantor, and an exceedingly long time at the House on C Street.

And just like this flight, it will be a painful journey, with a brief payoff.  The flying time is just one hour tonight. The time spent on the tarmac was almost three.

Come October, most will regret the imbeciles put in control, just like most on this flight regret the idiot who decided to fly, even though he has claustrophobia.

And then the real fun will begin.  Because unlike this flight, you will not be getting free peanuts and Coke.  You will be dining on Friskies and freezing by the candle light.

I raise my first class glass to Michele Bachmann and her merry band of nut jobs.